ALL I NEEDED TO KNOW I LEARNED ON THE CATTLE RANGE

Thursday, March 16, 2006

1. Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman… neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.

7. There are three kinds of men:

The few who learn by reading.
The few who learn by observation.
The majority of them who have to touch the electric fence to see if it’s really on.

8. Don’t worry about bitin’ off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger’n you think.

9. Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back.

10. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

Adapted from Preaching Now, Vol. 3, No. 3