SKINNY SKID ROW SANTA

Monday, December 08, 2008

Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus, but it’s not the one I have been seeing in the Phoenix area the last few years.

If it’s a matter of benevolence and they want to give this poor guy a job, why not a job as a custodian or even a greeter—but not Santa!

Yes, I know there are more than one of these guys. There is absolutely no way he could always be found at Fashion Square in Scottsdale, Paradise Valley Mall in Phoenix, Chandler Mall and several others all at the same time. Whatever! Give them all jobs.

If the only job available is being a Santa Claus, then for goodness sake hire them early in the year and give them a few good meals before the holiday season hits. And if these guys come from where I think they do, you may have to give them a sack with a bottle in it to keep by their big chairs. They absolutely have to have a big smile on their face, rosy cheeks and feel like letting out with, “Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas!”

Walking through our mall this morning, my wife said, “Dear, you would make a good Santa. You would need a little padding but you have the right face and kind eyes.”

Thanks, but no thanks. As Dirty Harry would say, “A man has to know his limitations.” I never drink but a brown bag and one bottle would never get me through the day—I would need a whole case.