MARSHALLS AUTOBAHN

Friday, November 03, 2006

Marshalls is a great place to shop. It is also a great place to get killed.

I have been on the Autobahn in Germany where there are no restrictions on speed. The same holds true in the shopping aisles at Marshalls. I expect those aisles to be renamed, “Blood Alley.”

Mothers race up and down those aisles “driving” at ridicules speeds. The huge, truck like things the kids are riding in were once called, “strollers.” Forget that. There is no more strolling. These dune buggies come in all shapes and sizes.

Old men should never go shopping. It’s just too dangerous. Our reactions are not what they once were. These mothers meet you head on in a narrow aisle and they don’t give an inch. If you are fortunate enough to see them in time you can dive into a rack of clothes and let them whiz by. If not—you're going home banged up.

Let’s face it old men, we need to be at home, in the garage carving something. MOTHERS RULE THE DEPARTMENT STORES!