FAMILY CHRISTMAS NEWSLETTER --ERMA BOMBECK

Friday, December 17, 2010

I like this by Erma Bombeck:

I regard the family Christmas newsletter with a mixture of nausea and jealousy---nausea because I could never abide by anyone organized enough to chronicle a year of activities: jealous because our family never does anything that I can talk about on a religious holiday.

For years I have been assaulted with Frieda and Fred's camping adventures. Marcia and Willard's bright children (their three--year--old has a hit record) and Ginny and Jess's kitchen table version of "The Night Before Christmas."

"You know something?" I announced at dinner the other night. "We're a pretty exciting family. This year, instead of the usual traditional Christmas card, why don't we make up a newsletter?"

"What would we say on it?" asked a son.

"What everyone else says. We could put down all the interesting things we did last year. For instance, you kids tell me anything you did in school that was memorable." Silence. "This is no time for modesty. Just spit out any award or recognition you received throughout the school year."

Finally, after five minutes, one son said, "I passed my eye examination."

"See?" I said excitedly. "I knew if we just thought about it a bit--now, where have we been that's exciting?

(Note: there's more but I am editing it because of time and space.  Clif)

They all sat there silently contemplating their year. Finally, I brought out a box of Christmas cards.

"What are you doing? We though you were going to send out a family newsletter for Christmas."

"No sense antagonizing the poor devils who sit around and do nothing all years."