HOLD YOUR WIND

Friday, September 22, 2006

The first thing you do is sign papers releasing the doctors, nurses, hospital, janitors, all their friends and neighbors from any liability that might occur during or from the procedure you are about to endure. And then you lay and wait in a room where others also wait, separated only by curtains. During my wait I kept not only hearing people pass gas, but they were being encouraged to do so. The nurses were like a cheering squad. A little discharge of wind brought loud encouragement for more. I finally asked the nurse, “Are all the people in here for the same reason I am?” “Pretty much!” she replied.

I had come in for a colonoscopy.

Little did I know that following the procedure I would be told, “Take deep breathes and let it out slowly. Turn over on your side and the gas will pass easier.” “But I’m a gentleman and I have been taught to not offend people with bodily grossness.” “Well, this time it’s OK. You people in here are all so cleaned out that it’s not going to smell and besides I can’t let you go home until you do this.”

WELL, I’M HOME!

Side Note: I seriously want to encourage you to have a colonoscopy. Lives are being saved by this procedure.